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Bring the thing you swear by

A favorite things party starts with a small act of persuasion: tell your friends what you love, then give them a chance to take it home. The useful part comes before the shopping.

Things to do near you · GuidesChecked November 7, 202612 min read

A gift exchange in Pasha is Home’s published Galentine’s gathering. The photograph is separate from the November community events described below. Pasha is Home

Inside this guide

Think about the last object you recommended without anyone asking. The pen you brought to a meeting and refused to lend for long. A paperback you keep buying for friends. The grocery-store condiment whose name you type into other people's phones. You already have something to say about it. At a favorite things party, that recommendation becomes the evening's main event.

Guests bring something they like, explain its place in their lives, and exchange gifts. Often they bring several identical items and leave with the same number of other people's picks. There are variations with one present, variations with wrapped gifts, and variations that borrow the stealing rules from White Elephant. The name alone doesn't tell a guest which evening they have been invited to.

That flexibility is part of the appeal. It also explains why a cheerful invitation can produce a remarkably anxious group chat. Does “three favorite things” mean three different products? Is the budget per gift or for all three? Are we buying for everyone? Can you bring something you made?

A good version settles those questions early, then leaves the interesting question open: what have you found that the rest of us should know about?

An old idea with different house rules

The format has a documented life well before the latest holiday gift guides. In an August 2016 post, Jenny Cookies described turning an earlier book-launch gathering into recurring favorite things parties, including a summer edition. Her summer instructions called for three different favorites, with three copies of each: nine gifts per guest. That is a very different shopping assignment from bringing three copies of one item.

Debbee's Buzz offered another account in March 2018. Debbee had used the format to bring together friends who mostly knew her rather than one another, giving the gatherings elaborate themes. Her post explicitly treated the details as adaptable to the group. The gift provided an introduction; the decorations belonged to that particular host.

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An old idea with different house rules

Choose something with a sentence behind it

The easiest way to lose the premise is to search for an impressive gift before thinking about what you actually use. Start with a shelf, a drawer or a habit. What did you replace when it ran out? What travels with you? Which book made you want another person to read a particular passage?

A favorite pen has a more useful introduction when you explain that its ink dries before your left hand reaches it. A tea towel can come with the reason you prefer its texture. A novel can come with a spoiler-free explanation of who might enjoy it. These are possible introductions, not claims about particular products. The point is to give the recipient a way into the object.

Then check whether the gift works outside your own routine. A notebook needs no subscription. A refill needs a compatible container. A favorite coffee can be a lovely choice, but whole beans assume access to a grinder. A book club's joke might need explaining to the friend who has never attended. None of those details makes a gift wrong; they help you choose and present it honestly.

For a group with varied tastes, offer a few broad lanes in the invitation: something for a desk, a book, a pantry item, or a small household tool. Let people choose within the limit. A themed exchange can narrow the field further, but avoid requiring everyone to purchase a product category they don't use.

If food, fragrance or personal-care items are included, ask guests privately about preferences and restrictions before shopping, and keep original packaging and ingredient information with the gifts. Agree separately on homemade items and secondhand books. Those can be thoughtful choices when people know what the invitation allows. Quietly adding your own exceptions after others have bought gifts is harder on the group.

Bring copies you are giving away; keep your own used item for the demonstration if that helps. You can show how a gadget works without opening every recipient's package. And if you love something expensive, bring an affordable favorite instead. A miniature or substitute only makes sense if it still gives the recipient something worthwhile.

Give every person three different recommendations

There are two decisions inside any exchange: how many gifts each person receives, and who chooses them. Drawing names or letting people pick from a display can be lively. It also needs more thought than “put everyone's names in a bowl.” An unrestricted draw can produce your own name, a repeat recipient, or an awkward final assignment.

Here is one house system for a group of at least four people bringing three identical gifts each. It prioritizes an even distribution over first choice of products. It is a proposed arrangement for your own gathering, rather than a rule claimed by the hosts above.

Once everyone participating has arrived, shuffle one name card per person and lay the cards in a circle. Each guest gives one copy of their item to each of the next three names clockwise. At the end of the circle, continue around to the beginning. Write the three recipients on a slip for each giver so nobody has to keep track in their head.

For example, with eight names arranged A through H, A gives to B, C and D. B gives to C, D and E. H wraps around and gives to A, B and C. Each person receives three gifts, each from a different person, and nobody receives their own. With four participants, everybody gives to all three other people. With more people, everyone still gives and receives three.

Bring the thing you swear by

An old idea with different house rules

Bring the thing you swear by

An old idea with different house rules

The price on the invitation is only half the number

Choose something with a sentence behind it

Give every person three different recommendations

Prefer a little competition? Say so before the shopping

Leave space for the explanation

Read a community invitation literally

Put the whole agreement in the invitation

Before anyone shops